Martian Scientists Speculate about Signs of Intelligence on Earth

Martian Methane Machine

Martian Methane Machine

There have been reports in the media, recently, about signs on Mars of possible former life. The first indication is, of course, that there seem to be traces of methane. To put this into perspective, the negative effect of methane on the climate is said to be 23 times higher than that of mere CO2. So, any life form that rampantly produces more and more methane, through fracking or covering the earth with herds of mindless cattle, is likely to have as much intelligence as the Holy Cows in India. There are said to be 280 million Holy Cows in India and it only takes two of these goddesses and gods to produce as much CO2 per year as a car driving an average of 12,000 miles. Of course, the mindless increase of human overpopulation, with its own ethereal methane offerings to the gods, puts even belching cows into the shade.

Clearly, methane is not just a sign of life but of ancient spirituality. Perhaps the methane escaping on Mars comes from underground bovine temples? Just imagine what we could learn from such discoveries!

Intelligence Anywhere?

Intelligence anywhere?

According to the Scientific American and other news outlets, the “EPA Moves to Count Methane Emissions from Fracking.” Filled with the delight that there may have been methane producing organisms on Mars, we are making moves to prove that we are alive, as well, on earth, and counting what we together emit behind, in front, and from below.

Amidst all the exciting speculations about life and intelligence on other planets and in other universes, the real question is of course, what we would do, if some such methanic intelligence were to try to communicate with us.

NSA Extraterrestrial Intelligence Suppressing Methan Machine

NSA Extraterrestrial Intelligence Suppressing Methan Machine

Think of how alien any forms of rationality, intelligence, well-reasoned factual analysis already sound to the vast majority of our frackers, crackers, political crackpots and cowed worshippers. Why do we need to find extraterrestrial intelligence, when intelligence itself is nothing but a non-resident or illegal alien that keeps trying to sneak across our borders (at best to clean house and dirty laundry and empty the trash)?

Just imagine, if we did encounter life on another planet and it turned out to be billions of regurgitating, methane exhausting cows, looking past us with uncomprehending eyes, but big enough to flick us off like flies? What a wondrous confirmation it would be that the vast majority of our earthly leaders are indeed superior beings and therefore we also, like them.

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